I wonder how two people grow apart. During the holiday season, I tend to be reminded of relationships that I had that are no longer together. And those relationships are generally ones that broke quite abruptly. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I am too persistent on figuring out those reasons that I lose touch with that acceptance.

In relationships, it always necessary for there to be some sort of compromise. Even when one person agrees with another on doing something as simple as going to a particular place for dinner, or as complex as what religion to raise their child there is always an underlying distance of opinion. I guess this could be described as one of the sacrifices that goes hand-in-hand with love. Maybe I'm completely mistaken as to what love "really is," but I can remember many times in my own past relationship when my partner compromised himself to do what he felt would MAKE me happy and was always feeling guilty when he though something MADE me sad or upset. Well, I've realized now that I have opened my eyes to awareness that it is not another person or the result of a thing that MAKES us feel a certain way or behave a certain way. Rather, we are the masters of our own thoughts. We generate the behaviors that come from the feelings that we allow to arise.
Now, I'm no expert when it comes to be being in awareness 100% of the time. But I'd like to believe that my awareness is much more clearer as I continue to remind myself that I can change my state at any given time. I can create an atmosphere that is much more pleasing than the one I may be immersed in, and I can immediately relocate myself when I disagree with something in my environment. The tendency to get comfortable in a relationship, whether it be a friendship, an intimate partnership, or even a member to a social club seems to come quite naturally. I am working on reminding myself that it's all meaningless in their titles. Having the title of "boyfriend" or "president" or "best friend" means nothing unless we truly understand what lies beneath the prefix. In the end, we're all just pieces of flesh with holes cut out for the eyes.

I think I started rambling. Some things may never change.

It's amazing how angry people get when there is a severe shift in weather. My family and I have been snowed in for nearly two days, and today was the first day that were able to "safely" venture out onto the treacherous, snow covered streets. To be honest, the only thing that even encouraged me to get into a car was the fact that my body was crying for some movement to a place other than up and down the stairs occasionally to shove more food into my mouth, replenish my body of water, or put on and take off a sweatshirt. I was so excited that my family could FINALLY spend some time together. So, it was unplanned. But if it hadn't happened my parents would have been at work, my brother would have been out galavanting, and I would have been off somewhere or consumed in some silly project at home- regardless, family time just does not come around often enough and I swear, we take it for granted each and every day. It probably sounds cliche, but it's true and as I move further and further into adult hood and away from my parents humble abode, I become more and more aware and cherish these snow days even more.

Moreover, staying in has not only encouraged me to eat everything in site, but has also allowed my creative juices to full on EXPLODE. I have not stopped creating since the snow began to fall. It was like some fairy dust came down with it and circulated through my system like synergy. Quite frankly, I feel fantastic being cooped up. I am just grateful that I can say that I love the people that I got "stuck" with, the place that I am "stuck" in, and the aura that I am "forced" to be immersed in. So, here's some praise to Mother Nature and I can only hope that others were able to relax and possibly trigger some part in themselves that they forgot about for some time. If not, maybe next time.

It's amazing how people come together during the holidays.
Family members that speak to each other once or twice year find a place and a time to meet and exchange gifts, stores stay opened nearly 24 hours to prepare for everyone's extravagant evenings, the streets sparkle with lights, sometimes snow, and lots of smiles... I don't care how cliche it is to do certain things during the holidays, or how Hallmark it is to celebrate them obnoxiously. This is simply because if it serves the purpose of bringing people together- even if it isn't willingly at first- than so be it.
It's about time we all got together for something more than business meetings, class projects, and forced appointments. Celebrate a relationship that you forgot existed. Celebrate a person that was not able to be with you this year. Celebrate the fact that you are alive and breathing. And lastly, celebrate with a toast to all things on earth with a Christmas cookie or Channukah gelt. Because even though the shopping takes over much of the holiday season, when it comes down to it we're all in the same room together, sipping our warm beverages, looking for that same reminder of what the seasons are about. So whatever the original excitement comes from, look deep down into that little kid and remember what the holidays are truly about.
All I want this year is kiss under the mistletoe..

I wonder what life would be like without money.
Imagine if we could all move freely in and out of our homes, get from point A to point B by any form of transportation we wish simply because everything is accessible to us no matter who we are or what our income is or how much money we have in the bank.
Imagine if you could wake up and walk down the street and see a fruit stand and receive an apple for the cost of a smile.
Imagine if you could work with people and do things that you love, simply because you have the option, not because you feel a tight grasp of the economy wringing your neck out every day of your nine to five.
Imagine if you could wake up and go to class because it's important to education, and not because you're afraid that you won't move forward without a career that demands a degree. Imagine if the teachers cared about that class and how their students enjoy the course, rather than the fact that it's their given profession.
Imagine if we could all trade clothes with one another and no one cared that it belonged to anyone else because we all had the bonds of barter.
Maybe this all sounds cliche and silly, but I remember being little and having less than a care about what possessions I had.

Another morning, another day past.
Good morning, London, looking overcast.
Wondering where I'm headed, thinking of where I've been.
Interested in the world around me, past, present, future and the in-betweens.
Smile at my life, wishing for a love.
Thank goodness for my breath, I tell someone above.

Imagine a day without time. Not having a watch on your wrist. Not being able to glance at your phone or iPod when on the bus, train, or walk. Not hearing the ticking of the clock in a waiting room.
What is we all just went about our days in accordance to schedule, without time attached to everything? Is it possible to create schedule without having a timetable? Time is used to create structure. To keep us all in line, to keep us on point, to keep us present. Yet people still manage to fall short- we run late, get there early and then feel impatient as we wait for someone else, or simply forget altogether. The come the excuses and sometimes forgiveness. But ususally someone is either known as always being late, always being prompt or always being early. And in making an appointment if we tend to pack in our days, that structure comes as a bit of a constraint. We have to structure our days on plans that have been made, our jobs that always run on the same time schedule from hour A to hour B,C,D, or E and never change because it's easier and more comfotable to keep everything the same than have some flexibility or change here and there.
What does time actual function as? Is it to make us feel important as humans? As long as we have something marked down in our planners or noted on our palm pilots and blackberrys; have notifications sent for our planned events via facebook and twitter; have messages left on someones answering machine and invitations sent by mail, we know that someone will remember that there is a meeting, an event, a gathering of some sort of importance that will cut into their day that they will most certainly not forget. And all because there is a time penciled in next to your name.
Moreover, we are constantly wishing that time would either go faster, slow down, or just stand still. We structure our lives around this hidden concept that none of us actually appreciate, enjoy, or wish to be grateful for when it comes creeping around the corner.


I have a mid-term tomorrow that is creating many explosions in my brain.
I just got the material yesterday because I was absent last week.
I am frustrated because I feel like I don't have enough time to study and prepare.
This isn't true, but I am blaming time for my nerves.

one more day, one more hour, one more minute...
there never seems to be enough.

"Do it quietly.

Most people that love you will not understand and they may keep you from accomplishing your dreams because they don't want to see you fall on your face. But when someone really loves you, they'll let you fall simply because they'll be there to pick you up. They'll help fix you up. They'll mend your bloody knees.

It's impossible for people NOT to get into your space and flood you with doubt. All you have to say is, "No thank you." If in fact this isn't the right place for me, then I will know. But for now, I will keep on."

-From the wise and beautiful, Miriam Monroe

Sometimes there are days when all I think of are the "what-if's". What is something goes wrong; what if I did this instead of that; what if I had waited a little bit longer; what if I had done that a little sooner...
The truth is- or at least through my belief system- is that we can't avoid our destiny. What's meant to happen is meant to happen and the path is already paved for us. Sometimes we run astray, but we always manage to come back to the point of which we're meant to continue our travels. I know that when I try and swim against the current I experience more difficulties than successes, and I also realize that my intent wasn't for a positive outcome, rather to try and fix, change, or fiddle with something that is already done.

I find it ironic that I believe I'm spontaneous, yet I like to know what's going to happen next. I like being organized but I love spreading everything out so that I can see it. I love people but I like doing things on my own. I love giving gifts but I feel flustered when it comes to receiving them. I'm sarcastic, but I'm gullible.
...I guess I'm a mutt.

Do you ever wish you could put your brain on pause?
Slow the tapping of your foot?
Tell your mind to stop asking questions?
Trying to find missing pieces to a non-existent puzzle?

I have been wondering lately, what do the words, "I miss you," actually mean?
I get confused sometimes because there are so many contexts.

Thank you, Dictionary.com :
miss1    
[mis] Show IPA
–verb (used with object)
1.to fail to hit or strike: to miss a target.
2.to fail to encounter, meet, catch, etc.: to miss a train.
3.to fail to take advantage of: to miss a chance.
4.to fail to be present at or for: to miss a day of school.
5.to notice the absence or loss of: When did you first miss your wallet?
6.to regret the absence or loss of: I miss you all dreadfully.
7.to escape or avoid: He just missed being caught.
8.to fail to perceive or understand: to miss the point of a remark.

When someone who I haven't seen for a long time tells me that they miss me, I wonder if they are just saying that because they don't really know what to say. The thought of, it's been a while, maybe I should say something and see how they're doing.
It's almost like that person doesn't actually care to see you or visit with you anything that may result when the feelings of "missing" arise. It's just like a guilty thought that slips out and creates less of something than not asking about them at all.
In that sense, I almost feel like every definition could apply to one use; one specific context cannot be dedicated to one particular use.
For example, my friend said they miss me. They haven't really tried all that much to contact me. They don't generally continue a conversation once its risen. It takes a lot to make plans and when they finally happen, they usually are quickly cut off because something else is waiting for them somewhere else. So, that person has failed to hit or strike; failed to encounter, meet catch; failed to take advantage of; failed to be present at or for; noticed the absence or loss of; regrets the absence or loss of; escaped or avoided; failed to perceive or understand.
I wonder how I have used this phrase previously and how the person has perceived. Well, they probably didn't pick it apart like I did, but may the next time you see someone name pop up on your buddy list, you go through your contact list in your phone, or you have a silly reminder of an lover or friend, choose your words wisely... or don't choose them at all.
Sometimes things are meant to be left where they are. Sometimes we can't patch up because there is nothing to patch. Sometimes we MISS the idea. We MISS the opportunity and try and play catch up. We MISS something that we final realized was real and somehow let slip away.
Simple, a MISS FIRE.
Well. Sometimes we learn the most from those.
Happy rainy day, cheers.

Welcome Back

I completely forgot that this blog existed. I guess that's what happens when you sit in front of a computer at the circulation desk of the library for over six hours. Things just happen and your mind becomes mushy and all is forgotten and swallowed up by the land of technology and imagination. It takes a lot of will-power to try and do nothing and stay conscious for around 12 hours. I hope to never master it.

Rumor has it- as created by me- that London is where my heart is. For the past month and some weeks I have been granted the opportunity to explore this city and yet I still find that every stroll that I take down Caledonian, Marylebone High, Oxford, Picadilly... there is always something new waiting for me to find it. A good friend of mind said that place may seem less exciting to people not because there's nothing to do, but because there are LOTS of things to do that must be uncovered by the explorer themselves. Aside from the things that are in the typical Frommer's traveling handbooks, some of the best outdoor adventures, secret spots, and most amazing food is offered only to those who are willing to dig a little deeper.

I am writing, and will begin my consistent sprawl of thoughts to describe the nooks and crannies that have made my experience thus far that much more interesting. And who know, maybe I will virtually touch someone else's heart with the same feelings that I got as I stepped foot outside my door that day.

Goodbye for now, Good Afternoon Big Ben.

Let's Do Spins

What is the one part of childhood that you just do. Even when your mom tells you not to cause you're going to fall over from being dizzy.
Why do you do it? Cause you get those butterfly feelings when you think about the silly rush that you get after your done and you hit the ground.
The "good" kinda hurt doesn't come from broken hearts, sports injuries, or rainy days. It comes from the simple pleasures of being a kid. Standing in the center of a room, circling, spinning with you hands out free. Feeling this kind of high doesn't involve any substance abuse, the feelings of being flattered, or anything tangible. That pleasure comes from within. The happiness of being a live, have the breaths of that life, and being in your own skin.
Who can give you that? NO ONE. Others can help you out, though.
That's how we got here.

Haven't spun around in a while? Get up and get on it.
make it a daily routine and allow those once-kid arms to flail.
Happiness is already here.


TheGreaterGood.